someone's boring me.

still alive.

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 03:18:19 GMT

In brief:

This is the last semester of undergraduate for me, as well as the first semester of graduate school. I'll graduate in May of '08 with a M.A. and officially attempt to be a grown up.

As of early January, moved into yet another new house. This is the fifth place I've had to move into since I started college in fall of '03 (yes, I'm counting my parents' house in Memphis, where I evacuated to for Katrina, because I had to officially move in and live there for that entire semester).

My roommates just got a dog. We named him Dante, after the street we live on. He's part pug, part something else, absolutely adorable, even though he pees everywhere and breaks skin when he bites (which is all the time).

My friends (her: I've known since I was eleven, he: I've known since the first night I was a freshman at Tulane) just broke up. They've been together on and off about three years, and we all assumed that they were going to get married. Apparently, not the case. She's not taking it well, and I'm torn between comforting her and reliving all my past breakups. In turn, this has made me fiercely contemplative of my life as a whole. Never really a fun thing.

I turn twenty-two on March 5. How the hell did that happen?

A week later is the three year anniversary of my current relationship. This is not an exciting thought. It hasn't been for a long time. I'm somewhat under the impression that I've wasted the entirety of my college love affairs on one person who really doesn't care for me all that much and I, in turn, don't care for either. On a good day, I love him, but it's been a long time since I've had a good day.

I saw Prince in concert in Vegas for New Year's Eve. Really, how can anything else this entire year top that?

Fri, 24 Nov 2006 18:51:48 GMT

We woke up on Wednesday morning to a mouth-watering Indian buffet in the Garden District of New Orleans and ended Wednesday night with a freshly prepared banquet of Chinese goodness at my parents' place in a ghetto fabulous part of east Memphis.

This is what I ate on Thanksgiving: roasted duck, soy sauce chicken, honey peacan shrimp, seasoned snowcrabs, mushrooms and scallops, hawaiian nut squid, fresh greens of endless assortment, sauteed fish, and Baskin Robins ice cream cake.

This and only this is the reason I absolutely adore coming home for the holidays.

Thu, 02 Nov 2006 22:25:53 GMT

My cell phone no longer works. I will be buying a new one when I go home for Thanksgiving. Until then, email at jqiu@tulane.edu will be the best way to reach me.

Wed, 27 Sep 2006 22:17:49 GMT

Stupid shittyass ESPN sports show featuring stupid shittyass loud as fuck horrible Cowboy Mouth on my fucking quad while I'm in my fucking class playing their wretched music and making their wretched sports announcements and talking about stupid fucking football when all I want to do is to BE ABLE TO HEAR MY FUCKING PROFESSOR WHEN SHE SPEAKS.

And Brad Pitt's going to be filming a movie down here. Or already is. All I know is that they're going to be creating major traffic problems right by where I always drive.

Goddamn famous people.

Thu, 14 Sep 2006 21:22:52 GMT

On Saturday, September 16, the world premier of All the King's Men will be held at McAlister Auditorium at Tulane University.

How utterly fucking badass.

Political drama is always a good subject for an interesting discussion, but there's something especially enthralling about southern politics. We seem to cultivate levels of blatant corruption and criminal behavior that could be construed as bad taste by the rest of the union (not to saying that politics on any level are clean, the south just has a bad habit of not being able to hide its misconduct and scandals). Ah, Louisiana. From our current mayor, who is the only politician I've heard refer to Air Force One as a pimpmobile, to "Dollar Bill" Jefferson, the Congressman who had the National Gaurd fly in to specifically check on his house in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina (because God knows that we didn't need them doing more beneficial things, like, say, oh, I don't know, keeping entire neighborhoods of people from horrible watery deaths)-- not to ensure that the house was there, but as we all know now, to make sure that the thousands and thousands of stolen dollars he had hidden in his freezer had gone untouched.

If anyone is interested in sordid political stories, read up on the Long family. That Louisiana political dynasty has volumes dedicated to it, and for good reason. They were about as ridiculous as they were amazing. And if you're not inclined to be the reading kind, go watch this movie when it finally comes out. It's supposed to be rockin'.

Jude Law, Anthony Hopkins, Kate Winslet, Sean Penn, and many many many other talented and beautiful faces will be partying down on my school's campus on two days. Unfortunately, I was not quick enough to snag tickets to the premier, so I'll just hang around outside and stare at famous people for awhile. How strangely exciting. Somewhat amusing, too, considering that our auditorium has the shittiest seats and speaker systems known to man. We are not a classy bunch, no we're not.

Other news: I'm still alive and managing. Updates pending.

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 19:28:03 GMT

Happy Katrina Birthday! Wheeee!

Go national disasters. It's your birthday. It's your birthday. Boogie down. Oh yeah.

Mon, 17 Jul 2006 06:48:22 GMT

Whiskey nights, the kind that hit you hard in the back of the throat and burn all of the slow long way down. A metallic taste under the tongue and a constant drench to the skin. New Orleans, New Orleans. Bayou blessings and thunderstorms that shudder the sinking ground. There's such a stink to it, vices turned virtue, and all I think about is how for the first time in a very long time, I feel like I've come home.

Love that isn't quite a lie because it was never really love.

Thu, 13 Jul 2006 04:17:25 GMT

Distance does not make the heart grow fonder, but rather, makes the mind go blinder. What you cannot remember seeing, you cannot remember abhoring.

I feel like this is a theory I can use to every possible aspect of my life right now.

Sat, 08 Jul 2006 23:44:39 GMT

Awkward is:

my mother stumbling across several empty bottles of wine hidden in the back of my closet, my blaming their existence on my friends, and theensuing conversation of whether or not it would be rude of her to request that my alcoholic friends not treat my bedroom like a bar.

It's funny that it's moments like this that I feel like my life has changed the most.

Mon, 03 Jul 2006 06:23:02 GMT

I want to make myself fall in love with you.

Sun, 02 Jul 2006 05:24:38 GMT

I just got into Memphis tonight and I only have one thing to say.

Sat, 20 May 2006 07:08:42 GMT

Lisa, call me. My phone's been having complications. New Orleans cellular towers have not been taking kindly to T-Mobile, so it's a bad situation. Call and leave messages, because I don't get notified of missed calls.

Now -- an update.
Post-Katrina everything is not longer a mess, but it's still staggeringly complicated. From work to school to recreation. I'm slotted for summer classes, but those may not work out, so there is a chance I'll be back in Memphis sooner than I anticipated. My roommate's wonderful -- she rarely pays for anything other than the liquor on time, but she likes to clean, and she spends most of the time at her boyfriend's. Between the two of us, I say we occupy this apartment all of three days out of the week. Makes for a very cheap utilities bill.

Almost all of my friends are graduating. This, coupled with the fatalistic environment present day New Orleans, makes me contemplative and nostalgic. I miss things that aren't even gone yet. I miss things that never went away but instead have changed in ways that make them almost unrecognizable.

Local elections tomorrow. This is a very, very big deal. Not really for how this city, my home, is rebuilt, but moreso how the rest of the nation perceives us and chooses to work with us. We really can't do this alone.

Fri, 28 Apr 2006 09:14:12 GMT

Just a little after three o'clock in the morning, my cell phone starts ringing.

Keep in mind, I've been awake for the last three days straight taking (failing) finals. I have an extensive, extensive twenty page research paper due on Monday that I've had all semester to work on, but of course, I still haven't started. I'm scheduled to waitress every lunch shift this weekend. All that in addition to the chaos of my personal life -- can we say drama? Oh yes we can, but that's for another day.

The person on the other end of the phone is my roommate's father.

He's calling me from Arizona to tell me that she's in jail.

Now, at four in the morning, I have to figure out how to get bail money and a car to pull my little miss pretty out of New Orleans Central Lockup.

What. A. Day.

Wed, 01 Mar 2006 01:39:42 GMT

I hate Mardi Gras. I've come to this realization. It's loud. It's messy. There's crowds of obnoxious people. It smells. It makes all the restaurants close. It makes all the restaurants crowded. It makes driving impossible. Every year, one of my friends ends up at the hospital for one reason or another.

I fucking hate Mardi Gras.

Have apartment. No furniture. Have a job. No money. Have good classes. May be passing. May not be.

No internet for Julie. Hope everyone is well. Stay sane. Will respond to: jqiu@tulane.edu

you broke my heart in a thousand ways

Tue, 03 Jan 2006 07:34:27 GMT

As of tomorrow night, I will be disappearing for quite a long time. I am embarking upon a potentially epic trip back to New Orleans in search of house and sanity. Mainly just house. I have little money, no furniture, a few suitcases full of books and clothes (well, I will if I ever finish packing), and far too much personal drama to be considered healthy. With all this and more, I will be prepared for the tragic third world underwater cesspool that I take great pride in calling home. I have absolutely no idea when I will have internet connection again. My digital camera broke over new year's, therefore I will not have pictures to relate stories. I promise to answer my cell phone, attempt to respond to emails through other individuals' computers, and take attentive notes in my paper journal. Cheers, my fellow survivors of 2005. Much love and good luck with all your endeavors.

Thu, 29 Dec 2005 06:53:04 GMT

I cannot sleep. I am being very unproductive. I am being very homeless. To solve all of these problems, I will now do pointless online surveys, listen to emo music, and go smoke a cigarette on my roof.

Early New Year's resolution: find a home, gainful employment, and be in school. See, the key to keeping promises you make to yourself is resolve to do something you a) have no choice in doing b) were going to do anyway. No disappointment in the end!

1. You have $10 and need to buy snacks at a gas station; what do you buy?
Cigarettes. Diet (cherry) coke. Trident gum.

2. If you had to be reincarnated as some sort of sea-dwelling creature, what would you be?
Whatever that little creature is that lives in the deep grimy unexplored black depths of the oceans, and, like, explode and die a horrible death if someone attempts to bring them closer to the surface.

3. Who's your favorite redhead?

4. What do you order when you're at a pancake house?
Coffee (with artificial sweetener and half&half) and an ashtray.

5. Do you own any... naughty toys?
I have a Hello Kitty doll dressed up in an adorable lavender-pink mouse costume. Margaret Cho said Hello Kitty looks like a pussy with a bow. The mouse costume is worn like a hoodie. Would it be inappropriate for me to start calling her my Hello Clitty?

6. Have you made out with anyone on your friends list?
Of course.

7. Describe your favorite pair of underwear:
I'm a fanatic. I have approximately two hundred pairs, and I love them all.

8. Describe the last time you were injured:
All four of my wisdom teeth removed a week ago. Unforgivable, deliberate, painful injury. Oh, the woe.

9. Are there any odd things that make you feel comfortable?
Yes, and they are pretty much all extremely detrimental to my health and not discussed in polite company.

11. Tell me a weird story from your high school years:
A girl I used to hang out with used to sneak cocaine to do before first period. She put it in a baby powder bottle. A couple of times, she forgot to take out the baby powder.

12. What is the wallpaper on your cell phone?
MEATWAD!

13. Soda?
Diet anything. Especially diet anything with artificial cherry flavor. Yes, I know, my bones are going to rot out of my body before old age sets in.

14. Flavor of pudding?
The gay cowboy kind.

15. What type of shirt are you wearing?
Sleepwear that I really should get around to washing.

16. Prescription medication?
Bought and savored like the delicacies they are.

17. If you could use only one form of transportation for the rest of your life, what would it be?
A real live My Little Pony.

18. How many people are on your friends list?
24.

19. How many people on your list do you know in real life?
The vast majority.

20. What are you listening to right now?
"I wanted to believe in all the words I was speaking
As we moved together in the dark
And all the friends that I was telling
All the playful misspellings
And every bit I gave you left a mark."
No, I am not ashamed to be listening to angst and emo at one in the morning!

21. Most recent movie you watched?
Memoirs of A Geisha on Christmas day with my parents.

22. Name 5 things you have with you at all times:
The jade bracelet my grandfather gave me when I was eleven
Rubber bands
Cigarettes
Some device to create fire
Cell phone

23. Would you rather give or receive a foot massage?
Receive. I don't do massages for other people. It just doesn't happen.

24. Name a teacher you had the hots for:
Never had a teacher crush, though I find intellectualism terribly sexy, if not actually attractive. I had a brilliant Chinese History (1600 - Present) who was a horrid bitch and far too thin for her own good, but I was so charmed and intrigued by her emaciated scholarly ways that I forgave her for being an obsessive neurotic cunt.

25. What is a saying that you use a lot?
Fuck (as adjective, verb, and noun!)

26. What's one piece of advice that you think should be passed on to every child?
Knowledge is power.

Mon, 19 Dec 2005 02:42:05 GMT

ohmygodohmygodohmygod.

I'm fucking homeless.

There's not a single affordable apartment in the entirety of New Orleans. Can we say price gouging? By two to six hundred dollars? I leave Memphis on the fourth of January, and I don't have a fucking place to live. No one I know does. The few friends I have living on campus are living in trailers that the school's hauling in as make-shift dorms.

Oh. My. God.

If anyone out there happens to have some spare time on their hands and wants to hunt the internet for my potential salvation, I promise to give you a) money b) eternal love and gratitude c) my first born son d) long nights of debaucherously good sex e) all of the above.

2+ bedroom, max rent of 1400, ten to fifteen minute walk from university area. Those are the only criteria.

Now, I'm going to go prepare myself for getting my wisdom teeth sliced out of my head tomorrow morning.

Dear God, this is awesome.

Sun, 18 Dec 2005 02:56:13 GMT

I am now fantastically, beautifully, royally fucked over when it comes to housing for January.

God. Damn. Hurricanes.

Mon, 12 Dec 2005 03:30:56 GMT

I want to be told beautiful things.

not just told. I want to believe in them.

but I won't, so just tell me tell me tell me.

~~tell me that you love me.~~

I don't even know what I want these days. I don't even know who I am.

and on that note, I'll end the pretentious college girl angst.

Fri, 09 Dec 2005 02:50:21 GMT

a dull, pressing ache roaring through my head. all I want to do is sleep these days.

drama, drama, drama. sometimes I wish I could be one of my other college friends -- you know the type, brilliant, forgivably pretentious, artistic, living off coffee and cigarettes, well-versed in the schools of politics, religion, history, and late night cartoons. I want to be a poet, a revolutionary, a beautiful and blessed creature with no care outside of finals papers and living a dream. I don't want to be me.

Wed, 30 Nov 2005 04:42:34 GMT

As sent to me by the Tulane University chapter of Amnesty International:
UK: New poll finds a third of people believe women who flirt partially responsible for being raped
Check out this newly released information from AI's website! Amnesty International UK

As seen on the journal of a woman whom I deeply respect.
a lot has been said about how to prevent rape.
women should learn self-defense. women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. women shouldn't have long hair and women shouldn't wear short skirts. women shouldn't leave drinks unattended. fuck, they shouldn't dare to get drunk at all.

instead of that bullshit, how about:

if a woman is drunk, don't rape her.
if a woman is walking alone at night, don't rape her.
if a women is drugged and unconscious, don't rape her.
if a woman is wearing a short skirt, don't rape her.
if a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don't rape her.
if a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you're still hung up on, don't rape her.
if a woman is asleep in her bed, don't rape her.
if a woman is asleep in your bed, don't rape her.
if a woman is doing her laundry, don't rape her.
if a woman is in a coma, don't rape her.
if a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don't rape her.
if a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don't rape her.

if a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don't rape her.
if your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don't rape her.
if your step-daughter is watching tv, don't rape her.
if you break into a house and find a woman there, don't rape her.
if your friend thinks it's okay to rape someone, tell him it's not, and that he's not your friend.

if your "friend" tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
if your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there's an unconscious woman upstairs and it's your turn, don't rape her, call the police and tell the guy he's a rapist.

tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends it's not okay to rape someone.

don't tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x.
don't imply that it's in any way her fault.
don't let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he "got some" with the drunk girl.
don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can, too, help yourself.

If you agree, repost it.

Thu, 24 Nov 2005 08:08:37 GMT

"They fucky you up, your mum and dad,
They may not mean to, but they do
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra just for you."
-- Philip Larkin --

In the spirit of the holiday season, this afternoon began with calm tension. A calm tension which deteriorated into much crying, hysteria, screaming, accusations, and bitterness. As they usually do, my friends rallied around me to detract from the drama of my family. The night ended with a two hour long rant session at the local coffee shop haunt that I'm fond of, and now, I am home and apprehension of a day full of parents.

My mother's not completely at fault. Many of her statements were based on truths. Those hurt, but they're not lies. The rest of it is just two decades worth of misunderstandings. The rest of it is a traditional family struggling to raise an all too Americanized girl. I'm twenty years old, in my third year college, and I have a ten p.m. curfew for when I am under their roof. I call them nightly from school. Sometimes, I call them twice or even three times a day. They want me to marry a nice, conservative Chinese boy and raise nice, conservative Chinese sons. They want me to go into law not to "make a difference," but to have enough money to support a family -- my family, all of them, in entirety, every branch included. They want me to be obedient, attentive, compliant, permissive. They want things of me that I am unwilling to give. They want me to be a person I am incapable of being. Being that my parents have only a trembling grasp of the English language and my hold on Cantonese is childish at best, neither side of this battle can properly articulate or convey the depth that's there. I want her to understand, but there is no way I can make her. I want to show her who I am, and even though she will never approve, I know she'd tried to get it. But I can't. And she won't. And we destroy all hope of peace, little by little, day by day.

I know my mother loves me. But I know that the "me" she loves is only the daughter in me, the ideal child, the concept of a created offspring. As an individual, she hates everything I am and everything I stand for. I realize this. I have long since realized this, and I cannot hold it against her. She doesn't realize this, and she holds everything against me.

God bless all the days of youth.

Fri, 18 Nov 2005 08:21:40 GMT

My life is falling apart.

But this is interesting: http://www.nin.com/current/neworleans/index.html

Sat, 12 Nov 2005 05:10:47 GMT

Tulane University's spring semester begins on January 17. Most of the surrounding neighborhoods suffered damage, therefore rendering the off-campus students and professors without place to live. Unfortunately for Tulane, the majority of its student body was off-campus. They have leased two cruise ships and plan on converting one into a make-shift dorm for its returning students. Shuttle buses will be provided for transportaion to and from the harbor. There are rumors of apartment buildings being bought, but no one has clarified these claims as true or false. If true, no one knows whether or not the housing will be for students or professors or associates of Tulane. Dillard will be holding many of its classes using Tulane's facilities. Xavier may be forced to do the same. Yet another rumor abounds saying that Tulane and Loyola may be responsible for housing many Dillard and Xavier students.

I am returning in January. I have dubbed spring of 2006 as the official "Liberal Arts Majors Don't Escape Academic Ass Raping" semester.

ENLS361: Creative Writing
ENLS501: Contemporary Narratives of Guilt, Trauma, and Shame, undergraduate seminar with service learning supplement
WMST497: Advanced Feminist Theories
POLA427: Constitutional Law
POLC341: Politics and Nationalism

I am planning on applying for an internship at the law school. If that works out, it requires a minimum of fifteen hours per week.

I am slowly coming to terms with this mock relationship that I have been in for the past year and a half. It should not bother me that he is seeing someone else. He has been seeing someone else (and on several occassions, several someone elses) throughout the entire duration of our being together. I have absolutely no interest in this ending in bitterness. I have absolutely no will to end a relationship on my own. I know this will end, and I know that he sorta likes me, and there is just no point in making a big deal about anything. I have convinced myself of what has always been true with every guy I have dated in the past four years: there is always someone better than me, and I just have to get over the fact I am not quite good enough. Yes, he is having an amazing time with a talented, accomplished, beautiful, and brilliant human being. "World class," is a phrase he once used to describe her. But he still calls once or twice a week and sometimes even sounds concerned about my well being. Really, it makes no sense to expect more.

I think I may have a place to live next semester. I would have to haul my laundry five blocks to campus to wash it, but the rent is about three hundred a month. Affordable. Now, all I have to do is figure out a nice way to tell my current roommate that I am moving out on her. Problematic.

give me back the beautiful things in my life

Sat, 05 Nov 2005 06:16:29 GMT

"there was something about
that city, though
it didn't let me feel guilty
that I had no feeling for the
things so many others
needed.
it let me alone."
c. bukowski